Ramadan & Women Issues

The Da`iyah, Zienab Mostafa

Profession
A prominent Muslim Scholar and Da`iyah

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
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Yours, Islam Online Fatwa Editing Desk.

Name
Sister - United States
Profession
Question
Does my husband have a duty to the physical care of our two daughters? My husband works long hours, about 10 hours a day. He feels that is enough for him and does not help much with the raising of our two daughters. I dress them, I feed them, I teach them, I take them to the bathroom, I do everything for them. He doesn't even help me with their Islamic teachings. Is this right? Does he have a duty to the physical care of his kids? I understand that he brings in all the money, but I'm not asking him to clean the house, just to help with the kids. On top of all that, my mother in law is living with us. I feel really that I will go mad. Please help. Note: In terms of love and affection for them, he gives that.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. I ask Allah to reward you for all the efforts you put towards raising your kids and looking after them. Even though it is not a wajib upon you that you do all what you mentioned, but if you are doing them with the sincere intention to please Allah and fulfill the objectives of marriage in Islam, I hope Allah will reward you abundantly for such great work. As for your husband, it is very important to appreciate how he works hard for earning livelihood, spending many hours for the sake of his family. It is also important to appreciate the sympathy, compassion and kindness he gives his children. It would be greatly appreciated on his part to contribute towards some of the other household duties to the best of his ability, but usually physical care is taken care by mothers as they are presumed to be looking after this part. However, any contribution is greatly rewarded. Gentleness and affection could be the key to your husband’s heart, so try to express your appreciation for what he is doing so he can be motivated to contribute more. Regarding your in-law, you’re supposed to be patient with her, treat her well, and encourage your husband to be dutiful and kind to her. Kindness to one’s parents is an obligation, especially when they reach an old age, and you are supposed to conquer any satanic whispers that tell you to get mad at her or show less care. Accept her with patience and treat her as if she is your own mother.
Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Anonymous -
Profession
Question
As-Salamu `alaikum. My wife is pregnant in her 5th month. Sometimes when I ask her for sexual intercourse, she refuses, saying that she is tired. However, this reflects on me and affects my sexual emotions, especially when we are in a western country and surrounded by sexual motives. My question is what should I do, knowing that I do not ask her for sex everyday, but every 3-5 days, and I get angry inside me, if she refuses to have sex. Please tell me what to do. Jazakum Allah khair.
Answer
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. You should first understand the psyche of pregnant women. Certain biological changes affect their psychological status and ruin their appetite especially in the beginning. She may refuse intimacy not because she hates you or that she does not want to, but because she does not feel normal from inside. You need to be patient and affectionate at this time, rather than angry and annoyed. Try to tolerate this refusal and help her overcome this situation.
Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Hind -
Profession
Question
I have a question I just converted to Islam but I'm married to someone who don't want to be Muslim, is that okay for me to be still married to him? We been married for 8 years; what should I do?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Let me first congratulate you on accepting Islam as a way of life. May Allah make your steps firm on His right Path and grant you wisdom and understanding of Islam. It is not allowed for a Muslim lady to marry a non-Muslim. If you converted to Islam, and tried to convince your husband to Islam but it looks like he is not willing to embrace Islam, then I believe you have only one option and that is to put a deadline for you to try another time to win his heart over to Islam. If he still does not want to convert, then it is very important to know that faith comes first and that it is not allowed for you to stay in such a marriage.
Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Shai -
Profession
Question
Dear Scholar, I am not married and I am nearing my late twenties. InshAllah Allah blesses me with a good spouse in the near future - amen. I have a problem. I always feel something. No matter what I do, every time I watch something, or talk to anyone, I feel something. I know this sounds dumb but it's true, I always have ghusl- and it is getting quite annoying. Even when I am reading the Qur'an and Allah (Swt) talks about Zina, I feel something. It's getting very difficult, and I am constantly having showers and repeating my wudu. Please tell me is this just waswasa? Please advise me on what to do? Please pray for me!
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. May Allah increase your knowledge and awareness. It seems to me that you’re suffering form a high level of waswasa that keeps you in great confusions. It would be advised that you consult a psychiatric about this issue, looking for ways to overcome such a problem.
Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Taqwa -
Profession
Question
Dear Scholar, I am trying my best to make this Ramadan a special one. I am very strict about eating halal food and so far so good. It is just when we are invited for Iftar (breaking one's fasting) or invite someone over to our place - they buy sweets and sometimes those sweets contain gelatin or some kind of emulsifier (that may or may not be from some animal) I find it rude to refuse it, even though I have told them over and over again how strict I am about this issue. But when they arrive with the sweets, I feel its rude to ask them to show me the ingredients on their ice cream or sweet packets. I know one of the conditions for du'a to be answered is that our Rizq (provision) be halal, and I am in need of so many things. Will this affect Allah accepting me this Ramadan?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. I think you’re taking making things hard on yourself. Take it easy, sister and don’t be rigid or try to complicate things for yourself. Besides, when you choose to avoid something that is controversial, you should know that you are not supposed to impose it upon other people. Rigidity is highly condemned in Islam, and one way of being rigid is to be meticulous about every tiny detail. If you don’t wish to eat a certain food, you may gently apologize for not consuming it, and you don’t have to embarrass people by asking them so many questions about ingredients and the like. Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Mumina -
Profession
Question
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to ask our questions. This Ramadan I have put in all efforts to stop gossip or back biting, and so far alhumdulilah it is a lot better. There is just one thing. My mother is very hard to deal with and she favors my brothers over my sisters and I. So my younger sister and I always complain to each other about her and my father. I just wanted to know is it haram to talk about ones own parents and brothers and sisters. Nothing evil or wicked, just complaining to each other. In the end we all love each other and we do not do fitnah(sedition). please advise me dear scholar.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Gossiping and backbiting are serious sins, and so is favoring one’s boys over daughters. However, you cannot correct one mistake by committing another mistake. When you speak ill about your parents, it counts as backbiting. You need to seek other lawful means to solve your problems. You can gently and politely approach them and express your concerns. Try several times, while maintaining ethics and good behavior especially the manners of speaking to them. If you continue to try without any positive results, try to take it as a test in life and pray for your parents that they may be guided to the right way. Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Lara - United Kingdom
Profession
Question
My Husband fasts in Ramadan but he does not pray or read Qur'an (in or out with Ramadan). I try to gently to encourage him but he gets angry at me, so I left it and only making Du'a' , Is there any thing more I can do? Is there any specific Du'a'I can say?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Jazakum Allahu khairan for being aware of your role in advising and encouraging your husband to be more practicing of his faith. Continue to do the same, use proper approach and best times. Avoid lecturing or harsh approach. Continue to make du’a’, any general one. There is no specific du’a’, so pray with anything you see suitable to your case. Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
sam -
Profession
Question
Salam, I have 2 questions I hope you can answer both Insha Allah. my first question is I am overweight and I am taking a pill that is time released threw out the day I take it once in the morning it is a chemical blocker and appetite blocker Is this hahram to take during Ramadan? the second question is I take a high form of vitamin because I am anemic I hear that you cant take vitamins during Ramadan is this true as well? Thank you for your reply.
Answer
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. It is allowed to seek ways to reduce weight provided that they are not harmful to the body. It seems to me that you are using wrong pills that you are anemic, so I strongly advise you to see a nutritionist for that purpose and seek the best and safest method suitable for you. As for vitamins, if they are taken after iftar, i.e. during the night till fajr, they are allowed. If they are taken during the day, i.e. from dawn till sunset, the fast will be broken. Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Arash -
Profession
Question
Assalamu 'alaykum. I have a question about fasting with migraine. In the last days I had a very strong migraine and it is very hard for me to fast. But on the other side I think it is a big sin not to fast, because it is one of the pillars of Islam. So it is a struggle with my conscience and I don't know what to do about it. (PS: More than 4 weeks ago, I asked a very important question in the cyber counselor and there is no answer yet, although they told me, there would be an answer within 3 weeks. Here is the question number:XgH9nT‏)
Answer
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Sickness is one of the valid reasons to break one’s fast. If you are fast and you got a migraine, you are allowed to break your fast. Through my personal experience with migraine in the past, I have been advised to delay the suhur, eat something sweet, preferably natural such as honey, and avoid hard work and exhaustion during the daytime in Ramadan. You may try the same or consult a doctor to prescribe the best medication for your case. Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
samira - Denmark
Profession
Question
Assalamu 'alaikum.. My husband and I are trying to have a baby Insha Allah and I have been give hormone pills to take that will help me ovulate along with a pill that helps me to get more eggs then normal so the possibility of us getting pregnant is more likely I take them at night after we break fast the problem is they are in my system for 20 hours during fast is this bad? someone told me that I shouldn't take them now but I thought it was only if its nutritional that it is hahram I hear different answers can you please help Inhsa Allah....Thanks
Answer
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. It is so strange how this brother/sister told you it is bad because it stays 20 hours in your body. How about the food tat we eat in the suhur that takes hours to digest? If you are taking those pills after iftar, then you should not be worried at all. Allah Almighty knows best.

Name
Editor -
Profession
Question
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Brothers and sisters, we are so sorry for not answering all your questions because the time is over. We apologize for any inconvenience. Do keep in touch. Join us in coming sessions. Yours, Islam Online Fatwa Editing Desk.

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