Marriage on the rocks due to phone swap

One Friday morning John woke hurriedly and prepared for work. He worked in a busy institution and was expected early at work. His wife worked a distance from where her husband's office.

As a result of doing things in a hurry, John unknowingly carried his wife's mobile phone leaving behind his own. After he had gone his wife Jane noticed the mix-up but it was too late for her to do anything about it. She thought for a while and decided to carry her husband's phone in case he came back for it.

On arriving at his place of work John noticed that he had confused his wife's phone for his but decided not to go back for it. He sighed deeply because he knew his wife could access romantic messages sent by his many mistresses.

His wife too was disgusted because she had several toy boys. Drama began to unfold when John received an SMS intended for his wife sent by somebody saved as' 'sugarcane', which read, "Hi sweetie ope ur monin is fine 4 me am okay just mad love 4 you. I couldn't stop dreaming about you even after we met last evening coz you hold the password to ma heart." John was shocked to see this and thought he understood why his wife had come home late the previous evening. He decided to stay mum to see what more would come.

After one hour he received another SMS from somebody saved as 'Dere Mnoma' which read, "Monin darlin ope ur fine am also fine but not so fine without seeing you next to me coz you control every part of ma heart. Nice day sweetie see you later."

Hunger strike

The third SMS ticked in from somebody saved as 'Mzee Kijana' which read, "Monin ma beautiful queen I wish you are a gum I wld chew you every time, you make me feel young like I was born yesterday, you without whom I would go on a hunger strike. Have a bright day ma dear."

John was deeply shocked by these messages but knew that on the other side his wife might be seeing drama too.

Meanwhile, Jane had seen even more than her husband. She had received three messages from three women that clearly showed they were his mistresses. The first SMS was from a woman saved as' 'Sweet Honey' which read, ''Hi deah how's ur monin? 4 me am okay with ur son here, he says he loves you so much n you should come n stay with us. gday."

Always penniless

Jane almost fainted on seeing this because she could not believe that her husband had a son outside marriage. Before her anger was over she received a second SMS from' 'Kachumbari' which read, ''Monin ma deah ope ur enjoyin ur day. Mine can't be complete without you. Everytime I sleep in this house you bought 4 me I dream 2 love u always. The Vitz u bought me is perfect on road. Thanks, gd."

The last message came from 'Campo Fresh' and read, ''Sasa honey? Ope uko poa, mimi niko fiti hapa campo nikukumiss tu sana. Btw, kuna doh tunadaiwa za project 40k, nitacome unishow vile tutalipa. Nice day love you big."

Jane had found the answer to why her husband was always penniless.

When evening came John and Jane met at home. They could hardly talk but only stared at one another with suspicion. After a while John burst out at his wife, ''You prostitute! What are these love messages I have been receiving from your boyfriends?

Jane could not take this and hit back, ''How dare you call me that when your mistresses have kept me busy all day long?" The war of words intensified and turned into a big fight.

After it became clear the two could not live together they went their separate ways.

East Africa Standard